What does a High Priestess even do, anyway?

If someone asked me this question when I first embarked on my journey to this place I find myself in now, my answer to the above question would be very different than I'd answer it today. Reason being? The role model I had in the beginning was anything but a role model.

Often, when Yule rolls around I get flashbacks of one of the worst moments I've ever experienced in my Craft life. Actually, I thought about it this year while with my beautiful, awesome and amazing coveners as we sat in circle gathered in front of my tree, candles blazing on the altar...

Yule 1999, Long Island, home of my then "High Priestess":

"Fuck you!" she screamed. "Fuck you!"

The coven sat around her dining room table as she ranted, turning what was supposed to be a lovely day into a complete nightmare all because her husband, mine, and another male covener wanted to check the football score while we hung out pre-ritual. Back then, we were expected to be there most of the day and night, so there was no time crunch.

I still haven't fully forgiven myself for having sat there taking that abuse and letting that abuse happen, but like abused children, the rest of us pulled ourselves together and actually did the ritual. What we really should have done was run. Like Forest Gump kind of run, not listening when the marching band shouted for him to STOP.

Best football player Alabama ever had!

That day ripped through my memory as I said, and it was almost as shocking now as it was then. I don't think my coven fully understands (or maybe even believes) the abuse we suffered at that woman's hands, but I remember it often this time of year. And I value it, because it formed the basis of everything I knew I would never be if I ever found myself in her position.


My High Priestess suggested to me last year sometime to write out my job description and share it with my coveners. She'd done the same in the past while leading that first Novices coven in NYC. I was pretty surprised what I came up with.

Priestess Job Description

Ritual duties

• Planning and executing 4 public and 4 private Sabbat rituals, with ritual teams throughout the year. Assisted by Sage and/or Coven Maiden.
• Coordinating ritual teams. Assisted by Sage and/or Maiden.
• Coordination of ritual planning meetings.
• Planning and executing 10 coven meetings throughout the year providing teaching material and ritual.
• Creating social media invites for all public events.

Support duties

• Being available for individual coven members to assist and support through spiritual matters.
• Being available as a source of knowledge and information, and to help conveners find answers and assistance when I don't I have the knowledge or answers they need.
• i.e. unfamiliar Craft related info, mental health needs, counseling, etc.
• Mediation for conveners if problems arise on an interpersonal basis. Assisted by Sage.
• Consistently checking in with Group Mind to determine coven needs, direction, issues, etc. Protecting said Group Mind and ensuring a safe space for not only coven gatherings, but public ritual gatherings.
• Planning yearly Coven Retreats.

Community Support Duties

• Finding suggested donation recipients for fundraising to help support community needs.
• Past recipients include The Church Within, Fletcher Place, Standing Rock, BLM, Don’t Sleep, Immigrant and Refugee Center, IDOC Pagan prison circles
• Attending wider Pagan and Interfaith outreach events and meetings when available that look to both strengthen community relationships and effectively support change.

Personal Growth

• Continuing Education opportunities for both personal magical growth and knowledge, and coven growth and knowledge.
• Maintaining relationships with upline (HPs) and sister Priestess for support and guidance.
• Being conscientious of the need for non-Priestess personal time.
• Maintaining Dark Time
• Family time

This list is personal to my particular Priestess path. Other members of Pagan, Wiccan groups or other occult clergy may have a very different list. The point of it though is being clear with oneself and those in one's circle, group, coven etc. what that role entails and what it doesn't. 

90% of these job responsibilities fall under the service category, as that's how I see my role. My coveners will never find themselves cleaning my house, cooking my food, doing my yard work, or working my business, cleaning the teak on my boat (all things I and others did for that particular coven leader) because they aren't here to serve me. It's the other way around. 

Am I perfect? Nope. Who is?

Will I make mistakes here and there? Yep.

Am I going to be the right HPs for everyone? Nope. But guess what? I don't want to be nor do I expect to be. I'm a Capricorn who sets the bar high (mostly for myself), and while I'm serving I'm not looking to be a break-my-back-people-pleaser either. 

No coven facilitator can make everyone happy all of the time. We can try, but the Group Mind comes first. The safety of the group, the safety of the space, the spiritual needs of people, the focus of the coven/group and its goals...it all comes first. Having a space that stands upon Love, Trust, Respect and Honesty (those last two there I've learned are seriously key) provides the potential for everyone to be happy and fulfilled. And when they aren't... Hi. There's always a front, back and side door out. Probably a window too. 

Byeeeee...

A good Priestess or Priest won't be afraid to guide someone to those openings when necessary, and make those same openings warm and welcome for those to come. Hekate Priestess talkin' 'bout transitions and liminal lines. Shocker. 

This role, job, vocation - however you want to describe or label it - isn't easy and its not supposed to be. Yet it can be really rewarding, fulfilling, growth-inducing, skin-toughening, and inspiring. 

If you find yourself in a role of a facilitator, Priest or Priestess, make that job description. Refer to it, update and edit it. Delegate! Find assistance and support. Sometimes structure is really helpful even in these magical spaces. 

That time he questioned my heart

I went back and forth between the title of this post. Was it going to be ‘That time he questioned my heart’ or ‘Listen guys, just hold some %$#@&! space”. Obviously, you see what I chose, but ultimately both describe the reason I’ve opened my laptop today.

We’ve all watched the complete farce that’s occurred these last couple of weeks with the Kavanaugh nomination, and as of yesterday, confirmation. And many have either seen or felt a certain sense of anger surrounding it all. Just yesterday, I deleted two male extended family members because I simply don’t have it in me any more to be mansplained to or antagonized for the things I say or write or feel.

Let’s face it, social media is how we communicate with so many of the people around us, and many are outside our personal circles. Many we have never even met, nor will we ever meet. But those people we know? I don’t get it. I have never and will never pick an online fight with a family member, immediate or extended if I disagree with something you have posted or written, but should you pick one with me, mansplain me, antagonize or condescend to me, I’m coming back at you just the same way I do those times it occurs person to person. Conversation about something is one thing, straight up antagonistic or mansplaining is another. And if you don’t understand mansplaining, go look it up.

I don’t want to just direct this at men, because I’ve watched a few women not understand this rage so many women are experiencing and that’s been swelling in the last two years. However, many times it’s the men around me that don’t understand why we are so fucking angry, why we are protesting, and why, in my case, I have given up on this idea of what I was taught America was.

Just after the election, I printed out the Administration’s main plans for their first 100 days. I shared it with my coven, and we talked about how these things affected us. At the time, there were people within SCRB directly affected by these points. There were people in our community directly affected by them as well and because as a Priestess, I look at the wider community beyond Novices, it enraged me how those in my state, my home state and my country were going to be affected by this.

It continued and piled up, more and more throughout that year. I found myself at the after-election protest, the Women’s March, planning and executing a Planned Parenthood rally at the Statehouse (where we were counter-protested on the spot), the rallies at the airport after the Muslim ban, chalking for Aaron Bailey, and as a speaker at a women’s event called Tearing Down the Walls. In my mind, I see other protests on Monument Circle but I can’t recall what we were there for, as there have been so many that they blur together with noDAPL protests too. Those are just things I walked out my front door for. Pile on top of that every headline and media broadcast of Tweets, actions, abuse, lies, Nazis, etc. etc. etc. … I’m enraged.

I work in birth, and so I see and read and experience violence against women almost on a daily basis. I make it my business to help women and birthing people to find the care that will prevent this occurring to them, but knowing there is a rising maternal death rate in this country, that women of color are 243% more likely to die as a result of pregnancy and childbirth than white women and that is has nothing to do with education or socio-economic status… I’m enraged.

Last fall, I couldn’t write and execute another happy harvest ritual when around me people were literally being killed in the street for simply being black, while trans women were being killed for being trans, while Native American women were more likely to be sexually assaulted than non-native women, or even go missing, while our Muslim and Jewish neighbors were targets of racism and discrimination, while our LGBTQ loved ones and neighbors rights were threatened. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

So, that became my focus. Take the need, place it in the center, build a ritual around it, raise energy, call on the gods and make protection magic. What could be more important?

In my work of pulling this off, people close to me literally questioned my heart. Those were words spoken to me. And they crushed me at first and came as a shock, because how can my rage for my friends and loved ones mean that my heart is ugly? Why is it that when a woman is angry over injustice, she is told to change that emotion, to be loving, that her anger is wrong? Why is it that when a man is angry over injustice, he’s seen as strong, direct, empowered by his rage and he’ll be the one to save us all?

Anger can come from a place of love. It can come because of love and watching the people and things a woman loves abused, harmed and killed.

If you have a problem with a woman’s rage, step back. Ask yourself why. Reflect. She doesn’t need your guidance in how to properly direct or redirect her emotions, unless she asks for that advice. Instead of questioning her heart, hold some space around her. That’s what my coven Sage did for me. I can’t speak to whether he felt the same anger, or even understood my anger to the depths that it was before that ritual. But he held space, supported me and the rest of us by showing up, by listening, by helping to raise the energy needed. As a straight, white, cis-gender man, many of these points of attack from this Administration don’t directly affect him, or many other white, straight, cis-gender men. Instead of questioning my heart, telling me to reroute my anger, advising me that punching a Nazi in the face if I had to was wrong, he held space.

Guys, hold space for this rising tide of female rage. We need you to do that. We need you to support us, to move over in the spaces that you have occupied without question for so, so long and know that we have a right to a place at the table, especially now as a Court forms up that might very well strip us of the rights to our reproductive futures, and more. If you can’t do that, be prepared for that rage to be directed at you, too.

And as far as my heart being questioned, I’ve come to understand it was not about my heart. It was the strength of his own heart and whether he was strong enough and had enough endurance to hold space around us that was in question all along.

Some of you won't be that strong. No matter. We are channeling our inner Lagerthas, and we got this.

Lagertha, with one fuck to give.

Living Through the Harvest, in Two Parts (2)

Part Two- Coming to Balance

Novices of the Old Ways – Indianapolis has a birthday this month. Officially, we are 6 years old. The very first ritual was Mabon and so it has a special place in my heart.

In those 6 years, we’ve done much together. What started as an open community became an open community with a coven at the center. That first Unification saw 13 people come together to form Alchemical Crossroads, which later became Stone Chalice and Rising Blade. There have been six years of rituals (some of my favorite being Pride Day ones), magic, visiting local Universities to speak and do more rituals, building amazing ritual props, retreats to West Virginia to meet our East Coast “siblings”, and more.

There’s also been hardship. There have been sabbaticals. There have been tears. Many of those 13 people have come and gone, and it is my sincerest hope that they find their way and learn much along that way.

I’ve always told my coveners that everyone has things to learn, including me. Being Ordained fours years ago didn’t equate to the learning being complete. In fact, the roller coaster had just started. I’ve learned so much about myself as a person, as a Priestess. This work isn’t easy. It’s often quite lonely. As a Priestess, my role is a service one. That’s how we see it within the Novices covens. I still have to finish that blog about the training of Pagan clergy, but for now I’ll say that it was work. It is work. While Paganism is wide and Wicca is varied, and there is not a governing body of the whole giving out Initiations (so what one group’s path to clergy is like compared to another varies), the work Novices Votary’s do is in depth with a minimum of 3 years of deep personal work, and then figuring out where they might serve.

Not everyone even finishes to program. And that’s ok. Not every Witch is a Priest or Priestess. Are they their own Priest or Priestess? Sure. These paths aren’t hinged on priesthood. But they sure are served by a properly trained and supported priesthood, and its simply not a role fit for everyone.

I also learned much about the people that chose to come together and unify as a magical group that I lead. There have been countless times that I have taught what I’ve been taught by my up-line, both to my coven and the various incarnations of the two prison circles I lead. Years ago, I learned about Jungian principles within Pagan Cosmology by Janet Farrar and Gavin Bone. When I teach this, I always say, “The first thing magic changes is the self.”

People may come to magical traditions, in part, to alter the world around them. Eventually they will alter their world and their circumstances. However, it is they who will be altered first because that’s how this all works.

I had a coven of mostly brand-new magical practitioners. Those with experience had limited experience. No one save for myself had ever worked in a coven setting before. We were, and still are, a teaching coven. I wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I had listened to what I was teaching. Really, really listened. Especially when discussing the Shadow, and how all our Shadows begin to be churned up when we start working magic. And what’s in those Shadows starts to crawl into the light. I wish I had been prepared for what that would be like but then again, this is an experiential path, after all. We learn so much by putting down the books and actually doing.



One of the blessings of this Mabon is clarity, but I also have to recall gratitude because I can sit here and wish all I want. That changes nothing. Instead, I focus on the gratitude of obtaining such a major moment of clarity. It explains so much and not only prepares me for the future, but helps me ground and center. That Group Mind that was created knows what it’s doing, and like my Priestess has said, it wants to stay alive.

Everything that’s occurred is simply growth, even when there’s shedding. Maybe, if we can each have a Shadow that needs purging, each coven has a Shadow too. Maybe that Shadow is made up of parts of each coveners’ Shadows. Just as the channel of the individual magical practitioner is cleared of blockage (which is the purpose of kicking up all that shit in the Shadow) by doing magical work, maybe the channel of a coven is cleared while it’s members work magic together, while they explore their Shadows, while they figure out how to integrate those ‘dust clouds’ and decide what stays and what doesn’t. Microcosm and macrocom, right?





Being a Hunter is still affecting my life, a few months out. I needed my Village while dancing in the pool of light out in the darkness of the forest of Wisteria that was my hunt space. My Village also needed me. I needed to see that I have always been a Hunter. I have always been the one to take my proverbial weapon in hand and charge out into the Hunt. That’s how, at my core, I support.

I needed to understand more deeply what support means, what I require, what I will continue to do and what I will no longer do. I am not and cannot be the Hunter and the Villager at the same time. Nor the drummer either. I have understood, digested, reflected and grown more than I ever imagined. I am thankful. And I’m patient. Nothing about our collective future within my coven needs to be rushed. It knows what it’s doing, for all of us.

I’m thankful for these experiences and living through this harvest as Her scythe swung so near. I’m relishing in this feeling of balance and am unafraid of the future.

I hope that much of this will serve to help you in some form or fashion. Blessed Mabon.

image credit: Sage Goddess

Living through the Harvest, in Two Parts

With my 20th Mabon dawning this morning, I’m thinking on gratitude and balance. Afterall, those are the common themes. However, I’ve understood for some time now that the seasons of Lughnasadh and Mabon can really be a time of death.

Of course, us Pagans and Witches experience Samhain as a time of death and honoring our Beloved and Mighty Dead, yet I’ve often seen that first swing of the scythe come down at Lughnasadh. Or maybe it’s a shaking of the stalk, or the threshing of the grain, or whatever other analogy you like in order to express that if things are ripe for dying, the Gods will take them down at the first harvest.

This year, that first swing of Her scythe almost took me down. Or at least it felt that way. Overworked, overwhelmed, under-appreciated, spread thin…they were all happening and building, and good ol’Merc doing his retro-reverse-worm-breakdance move was just the thing tip the cart, that cart being me.

Trying to go with the reverse-flow during retrograde. Like this cat mine are usually wondering what's going on.

With support and guidance from my own High Priestess, I was able to make a decision that served not only my good, but the overall good of my coven, The Stone Chalice and Rising Blade.

Mom needed a break. So, she has taken a sabbatical.

I handed the reins to my Maiden and Sage, and stepped into self-care. This is a big deal for me. A huge deal. Because if you know me personally, I don’t take breaks, I don’t hand off, I don’t quit. I don’t even delegate very well, but I do it.

Trivia Tidbit: I’ve never broken up with anyone. Always the Break up-ee, never the Break up-er. I don’t think that’s a real saying, but whatever.

To step away and say, “I can’t” was the very best thing I could have done for the Group Mind. It was not at all easy, not for me or any of my coveners. But again, it was the best move for many reasons. And through this process, I’ve learned some incredible lessons.



Part 1 - Understanding Tailtiu
In July, I was a Hunter. A capital H Hunter. Not a hunter who hunts for game, but a Hunter in a Sacred Hunt. The ritual was brought to the Starwood Festival I attend in Ohio every year, by Drake Spaeth, a Huntmaster and Shel Skau, Head Villager, and when I read about it, I knew that if I did nothing else beyond facilitating my scheduled talks and attending the Saturday night Bonfire, I was doing that.

Reading the descriptions of other’s experiences was one of those moments that I felt a greater purpose. There was a purpose to my participating yet, it wasn’t in the role of a Villager, that seemed much more familiar to me and whose purpose was to care for the community of Hunters. Because, hello, that’s what I do everyday as a mother a doula and a Priestess. And I wasn’t supposed to be a Drummer, either. Maybe in future Hunts, I’ll choose those avenues. Hekate whispered in my ear, “Hunt”, and I knew that I had to step outside my comfort zone and take on an energy very different to what I normally do. If I didn’t, I’d regret it.

It deserves its own post, really, and I’ll get to that, but ultimately as a Hunter, I learned essential things. The thing that applies to living through the Harvest is that Hunters can’t hunt without the support of their Village. They can’t go on those spiritual hunts for themselves or their community without back up. And the Village dies without their Hunters. Things get inside the Village that can wipe it out. Hunters can get lost in the darkness, can keep venturing out and never return. It’s a symbiotic relationship that the facilitators told us would not only be for the good of the ritual participants, but the whole Starwood community and the world itself. Sounds grand, but they weren’t kidding.



I really need to write a post about the Sacred Hunt.



*********



While I stepped away from the coven at Lughnasadh, my responsibilities to both my prison circles remained. Interestingly, both groups wanted to work with Brid and Lugh. It sounded good during the planning sessions, and before my sabbatical, but by the time those rituals were upon us, things shifted. Brid nodded and told me “Yeah.. but no. I’m marking no on my RSVP.” It instead was Tailtiu who stepped forward, for the first time ever. 

Illustration by Margaret Walty

Should you not know of her or Lugh’s story, I highly suggest looking into the details, as explaining it all here would be more than this blog post could cover but ultimately Tailtiu (pronounced TALL-chee-uh) is the foster mother of Lugh. Having been taken from his young mother and tossed into the sea by his grandfather, Balor, he was raised and cared for by Tailtiu. She is the personification of the very earth itself.

Feeling sad and distraught after the wars between the Formorians and the Tuatha De Danann (as they are all her children in the end), she did what all mothers would do if their children needed to survive. Ax in hand, she walked out into the forest, where the ground was untouched by war and death and blood, and cleared the trees away to create farm land. And after the last tree was cleared, she fell to the earth, dead from exhaustion. You don’t see many Goddesses die, but the Irish pantheon has a few exceptions.

I always knew of this story, but it never really sunk in, or hit me the way it did this year. I know that this is because of where I was personally on my own path as a Priestess. I stood, ax in hand, still embodying the Hunter, but also an exhausted Priestess. The Earth around me was bearing the sustenance of life, all her blossoms come to fruit, the God was stepping into the grain, ready to be sacrificed, and as I talked things over with my Sage one evening, everything lined up and made sense.



Do not take your Hunters for granted.

Do not take your Teachers and Elders for granted.

Do not take those who work hard to assist you, in whatever ways they do for granted.

Do not become jaded at the magic and mystery of this planet, and everything she gives to us and does for us, because if she falls down dead from exhaustion, we are all seriously screwed.

And if your Priests and Priestesses become burned out, what a loss to your community.



Support those Hunters, Teachers, Elders, Helpers however they might need, and realize that often, you probably have to ask them how to help. “What do you need? How can I help you? What would make this easier?” And then do the things. There’s nothing worse than asking for help, and watching it not happen.

And take care of Big Mama. Look around. Find beauty. Appreciate life. Environmentally, we are in a fucking pickle, kids. We all know this. She needs us. She needs you. Find a way, however small you think it is, and follow Her into the proverbial forest, your own ax in hand.

Part 2: Coming to Balance

Things We Saw at Starwood

My coven and I just returned from the 38th Starwood Festival. I've gotten used to the transition from festival to the regular flow of life after attending for quite a few years  but still, that transition is tough. You get homesick for Starwood. 

There's a reason why everyone is welcomed home upon showing up at the Wisteria Gate. It's home in a way that regular home isn't. It's home of a different kind, maybe an ancestral kind. Not ancestral as in having your people born on that land, but the home of a particular consciousness or remembering what's been before and what can be again.

Although, for that to happen, Empire would have to crumble. It probably is, but anyway...

Every year has its own uniqueness, lessons, struggles and laughs. ("Hey... Is that...?" x5)*

Here's a little taste of this past week, in what we saw...

Santa driving a shuttle cart

A T-Rex, born out of the Saturday night Bonfire run off into eternity

A man in a three piece suit walk around the Paw Paw fire while balancing a crystal ball on his bald head

A concert performance in the Pufferdome by a guy in a silver suit and chicken mask

An autistic boy celebrate the bonfire with a joy I could only wish to experience

A guy completely rock some gold spandex shorts better than I ever could

A woman in an electric wheelchair firedance

A Pharaoh

A man dressed like an Octopus

The Villagers, Drummers and (fellow) Hunters participate in the Sacred Hunt - one of the most profound rituals I've ever been a part of (and that will get it's own blog post shortly)

A woman in an LED dress who danced around the bonfire like an electric moth

Blacksmiths

Faeries

Magicians

Witches

Occultists

Wizards.. And Oberon Zell (who chatted with me and admired our Shrine)

Druids

Energy Workers

Musicians

Artists

Magic

More creativity than I can account for

Love in many forms

The friendliness of strangers

Community

Acceptance of whatever floated anyone's boat

Old friends

New friends

A being, who just might be Yahweh incarnate (and who possibly, but once a year, comes before the Goddess, dons blue stretchy shorts, a glow stick halo and dances the bonfire like no one else)

Pan dance with Selene....

.... at the Gaia Shrine

And... What really matters.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to ACE, those I know by name and the many I don't. You put on an amazing festival.

This is the main touchstone of my year and, as always, I'm again changed for the better because of it.

* Sorry. Inside joke. ;)

"Fancy Titles" -Part I

Recently, I was at an event with other Pagans discussing Paganism. We opened ourselves up to questions about what it means to us as individuals and our experiences being public about it. It was a really great series of conversations and reminded me how much I enjoy discussing Paganism with the general public, especially students.

My Coven Sage and I have, for the past few years, been invited by faculty at IUPUI to speak to their various classes on religion about Paganism. These have been classes from Women in Religion to Intro classes. These amazing professors have also brought these same classes to Novices rituals at Indianapolis Pagan Pride Day. Beyond the rituals we've done for those events, talking to the students in those classes after ritual has been at the top of my list for things to do that day. If the general public is ever going to understand that the conceptions they usually have about what it means to be Pagan or a Witch are really misconceptions, having conversations outside our Pagan communities is important (if you are in a position to do so).

*** Spoiler alert! - there ain't no Satan up in here. K? K.

The only Satan I reference, courtesy of South Park. 

I myself am an ordained High Priestess of Novices of the Old Ways and a Priestess of Hekate. I am one of three in the entire Novices family. Another gentleman there at this recent event is an ordained Reverend, the term that his organization uses for their Priests and Priestesses. When I've looked back on this event, or when I was describing it to some who hadn't been there, a term that was used by someone that is not ordained or initiated kept coming to mind - "Fancy Titles". It's stuck out to me, like things do when I need to pay attention to them.

While I can't say exactly how the person who used this term meant it, as it could have simply been a statement to acknowledge that they haven't been or chosen to be ordained or initiated at this point in time, it's my reflection on this term that I've been finding myself thinking about since.

Questions I've been asking myself go something like this:

* When others hear a title like Reverend or High Priestess, are they picturing or assuming a role that others give service to, or one that gives service to others?

* Is it understood that, in the majority of cases, those called Reverend, HPs or HP (the initials meaning High Priestess or High Priest) have gone through rigorous training to attain such a title?

* Are High Priestesses and Priests even necessary?

* What does it even mean to hold the title of High Priestess?

Over the next few days I'll be writing about these thoughts I've had in regards to these questions in separate posts...because I tend to be long winded.  ;)


At an IUPUI Women in Religion class we visited last spring, the Professor asked the students to write down some questions for my Sage and I, which they prepared and brought for me to pick through.

One student asked, "Don't you think it's a bit selfish to call yourself a High Priestess?"

I had to address that question. First, this was a Women in Religion class, so the idea of selfishness in regards to a woman active in her "religion" kinda blew me away.  Second,  it was quite clear that there was zero understanding of the function of a High Priestess, or at least a healthy one.

I say healthy because I've known very abusive women who've called themselves "High Priestess". Currently, there is a well-known California group called CAYA Coven dealing with the accusations of abuse by many people spanning a timeframe of many years in regards to their former leadership. On a personal level, my first HPs was extremely abusive not only to me, but to every other member of the coven.  I can think of at least seven others who went through a lot of trauma and abuse at her hands. She was not trained in any way, through any program. Instead, she gave herself the title after considering herself as well-read and experienced as individuals whom she knew that had been properly initiated.

It doesn't work that way.

So, as I explained to this class, selfishness is the last thing a properly functioning High Priestess is being. While there may be a ritual crown, there is no throne on which to perch and receive accolades. There is no chaise lounge on which to be fed my favorite Starbucks coffee drink nor anyone offering to fan me continuously in humid weather or bring me blankets when its cold. I do wish that I could get a neck rub now and then, but I typically would need to go pay a massage therapist just like everyone else, fan myself and put on a coat. The kids at Starbucks already know my drink when I walk in,  so there's that.

"Marc, go get me a Starbucks. Julius, use a bit more massage oil, would you dear?"

The role of a High Priestess, especially in Novices, is a role of service not only to her coven, if in fact she chooses to lead one, but her community.  While we might be deity-centered in our practice, we are just as service oriented. Finding a way to serve one's community is actually part of the training process.

I sat down late last year and wrote out my job description, which I later shared with my coven. Here it is below.

Priestess Job Description

Ritual duties

• Planning and executing 8 Sabbat rituals, with ritual teams throughout the year. Assisted by Sage.
• Coordinating ritual teams. Assisted by Stewards.
• Coordination of ritual planning meetings.
• Planning and executing 10 coven meetings throughout the year providing teaching material and ritual.
• Creating social media invites for all public events.

Support duties

• Being available for individual coven members to assist and support through spiritual matters.
• Being available as a source of knowledge and information, and to help conveners find answers and assistance when I don't I have the knowledge or answers they need.
• Mediation for conveners if problems arise on an interpersonal basis. Assisted by Sage.
• Consistently checking in with Group Mind to determine coven needs, direction, issues, etc.
• Planning yearly Coven Retreats.

Community Support Duties

• Finding suggested donation recipients for fundraising to help support community needs.
• The Church Within, Fletcher Place, Standing Rock, BLM, Don’t Sleep, etc.
• Attending wider Pagan and Interfaith outreach events and meetings that look to both strengthen community relationships and effectively support change.

Personal Growth

• Continuing Education opportunities for both personal magical growth and knowledge, and coven growth and knowledge.
• Maintaining relationships with up line for support and guidance.
• Being conscientious of the need for non-Priestess personal time.
• Maintaining Dark Time
• Family time

** List may alter at any time.

“Office Hours “ - Sunday evenings, 6-9pm; Friday evenings 6-9pm.

When I originally wrote this down, I was surprised at the length of it. That said, it doesn't include the two Indiana Department of Corrections circles I lead and the responsibilities to more than two dozen men and women in those circles.

Having been given (yes, given, and I'll explain that in another post) the title of High Priestess gets you in the trenches of service to others. It gets you dirty, makes you tired, brings amazing blessings and challenges. It lifts you up and it breaks your heart. All these things I know well.

High Priestess. It sounds so pretty. It might even have a wow-factor to it, if its a new term for someone. A "Fancy Title"? Maybe it isn't so fancy when you really break down and examine what it means.

*Next time - Fancy Titles, Part II - The Training Of A High Priestess

Crime and Punishment - and swiping right

This is gonna be long. If you make it to the end, good on ya.

Over the last 6 (business) days, I on and off watched the victim impact statements given by the survivors of Larry Nassar, the former USA Gymnastics and MSU doctor.

Nasser sentenced to 175 years in prison

Heartbreaking isn't a good enough word for this entire story. Neither is infuriating. The stories these strong women stood up and told..more than once I found myself in tears, other times hardly breathing, still other times encouraging them as if they could hear me.

Some of the 168 survivors that made victim impact statements. Photos WTHR

 Many times as I watched and listened to the WTHR live stream, I would have to swipe right. Reasons being were both the ignorance of the general public on the workings of our judicial system ("I can't believe anyone would defend him!".. "Why is his lawyer writing notes!? Why is he writing notes!") as well as the general ignorance and inhumanity people source from within themselves when behind keyboards ("They'll kill him in prison".. "Wait till he gets to gen pop".. "He should be castrated" or "how could these parents be in the room and they didn't know?" .. "They didn't say anything then?" .. "How could they not know it was abuse?")

Swiping right kept my sanity intact and my focus on the actual survivors.

The entire time I watched and listened to these stories my heart ached. It ached for the women, their mothers, their families, their boyfriends and husbands. And for Larry Nassar.

That might surprise you. That might anger you. That might make you think "How can she feel anything other than rage at a pedofile, an abuser, a predator of this level?"

I'll tell you why. Because he's a human being. A sick, demented, unapologetic, mentally ill human being. Nassar deserves the sentence of 175 years from Judge Aquilina because he doesn't, at this point, grasp his illness, his abuses or his crimes. For the survivors, he needs to be in prison. For the little girls and teens he would no doubt abuse in the future, prison is where he needs to be. And he needs to be there for himself. Because sometimes it's only in prison that one can really face themselves and change. He might. He might not. He might not even be able to.

What's so obvious to me, beyond the ignorance of understanding the basics of our justice system, with all its flaws, and the heartless words people type because they can, is that so many people believe that all criminals are their crimes. That those who break laws and are imprisoned don't change. And that they don't even deserve the chance to change, the space and time to change ("He should be killed!") or even deserve simple human rights and dignity, as depraved as they might be.

Some may be too far gone. Many change. Many transform. I have witnessed this in the 5 years that I've spent as a volunteer within the Indiana Dept of Corrections. I'll get back to this in a second.


This week, the boys and I are doing a unit study on American History with Mr. Powell at History at Our House.

Of course, with me as their mother I fill in the details and cracks. I try and decolonize my homeschooling. I look for sources that aren't steeped in racism, white supremacy, and colonialism. My boys know that we are colonizers. They know we live on occupied Miami territory.  We recently read a book detailing the experiences of the Tainos, the natives Columbus first met and destroyed.

Recommended read

In talking about reasons for the Revolutionary War earlier this week, we paused to watch The Patriot. It's violent, yes, but they are ready for it. And it put into play the information they were learning in lecture form. For those that know how Ciaran isn't a movie buff, for him to watch this in the two days it took us and repeatedly say, "This is a good movie, mom!" or ask a million and 1 questions about what was to happen, or literally be in the edge of his seat thinking that Mel Gibson's character was about to be killed by his British nemesis... It was a big deal. ;)


We moved on, during this week long Nassar sentencing, to the Constitution and various Amendments. Anyone "friends" with me on social media knows I feel this country has serious flaws. However, I will teach these boys to the best of my ability about the structure the country they live in was built upon and all it's strengths and flaws. Seeing grown ass adults not understand why Larry Nassar had counsel?? My kids won't be this ignorant.

And this goes beyond the 6th Amendment, that gives every single citizen the right to representation in a court of law. This touches on basic humanity.

So, we watched the closing statements. Both from the State and Nassar's attorneys. Especially when those attorneys talked about the emails they've gotten wishing the deaths of their children because they've represented him.

Aidan and Ciaran were incensed.

We talked about whether or not this man needs to be in prison (we all agreed). I asked about what they thought about that people who wished him harm in prison. They didn't at first understand why, with as much pain as this man caused, he should be protected in prison. So we talked about that too.

Then I started to talk about my work at prisons. They both know I go. Its just another thing mom does. I asked them what they thought I'd do if Larry Nassar happened to be in the facility I go to, and happened to be Pagan, and happened to show up at my circle.

"What do you think I'd say?"

Both said, "You'd say no." Aidan also emphasized this with a hand gesture.

They were both quite surprised when I told them they were wrong.

That's when I discussed with them my thoughts about people and their crimes, and that people aren't their crimes. People are people and crimes are things they've done. And there have definitely been some people in my circles over the last 5 years that have tested this belief for me. Crimes that have broken my heart and made it difficult for me to give service. But I pushed through. I told them abbreviations of a few of these crimes.

After that, I read them a speech I heard given, and was later emailed by the Chaplain of an offender at a Volunteer Dinner this past December. The men's prison is a tough place. I'm not going to discuss why, or whether it's justified, or what should change or stay the same in this post. That's not what this is about. Instead, I'll share this speech because... Well, you'll see.


  Eighteen years and counting: of pain, struggle, learning and ultimately growth. Mostly through it all I’d become numb to everyone and everything around me and because of it I’d been mostly hindered rather than helped. That is until my realizing one day that I yearned for something way beyond the existence of being a prisoner and nothing more.

At this point there are people in my life who have helped me to better understand the importance of investing in myself. Mentors and volunteers who have taken the time to teach me how to think, instead of what to think, like buying into the given stereotypes, and settling for the limits that society foist upon those like myself because of our current stations in life, that are in direct result to our lack of having fully understood the total spectrum of the poor decisions that litter our past. Volunteers and mentors who have helped me to comprehend that it isn’t mostly about what we have done, but why? And how did we get there? Yes, thankfully, there are those volunteers and mentors who have shown me that I am able to turn things around.

Those of you here today and who are with us in spirit have chosen to set yourselves apart from the majority of those who are interested in the forms of punishment only. You see the true potential in adding value to the lives of the incarcerated, helping to restore our sense of self worth, simply by your ability to make us feel accepted. You see the potential therein with teaching us how to thrive within our environments.

The 1st law of success is service. Thus, our greatest successes will come as we are enabled to assist others, as giving opens the way to receiving…because compensation is the keynote of the universe. Therefore, we are able to make gain both ways I’ve come to realize (thanks to mentors and volunteers) that no one can truly make it completely on his or her own. Yes you can do a lot by yourself, but so much more together. With establishing yourselves amongst those of us who have been abandoned and rejected, by offering yourselves, your time, energy and et cetera, you provide the inspiration we need, give us the will to prove people wrong! It is such a privilege to have those of you to open up to, even if just to have to listen as you would be listened unto. You, volunteers and mentors, have become someone’s answered prayers. You are not only role models to those like myself, but also to the communities abroad. Showing us how to be, showing us how you can’t hold determined people back, you all possess the essence of character that I want to connect with. You comprehend that action speaks so much louder than words. 

Someone once said “Do not wait; the time may never be just right. Start where you stand and work with whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along. By even having been considered by the likes of you, you provide the simplest necessities of a life: affection and security. Without obligation and sometime with your not even fully knowing what you’re getting yourselves into you rise to the challenge, above the circumstances and conditions and become the solutions; bridging the gap between society and its latest caste system. And yes!  it takes a village. Because the hurt and neglect that we give to our little kids can later affect us all, but the opposite is also true. You, volunteers and mentors, seek to understand our misunderstood expressions and cries for help. Alienated from society, you’ve reached out, and thus have become responsible for something good in each of our lives. It is because of you, volunteers and mentors, that I began to gain the confidence to change within what’s deeply flawed. Because of it I’ve suffered. Though “out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars.” I truly now know that certain things must be striven for in order to be truly appreciated.

I want to give thanks to you, the volunteers and mentors, for showing me that becoming educated is the best way for those like myself to spend our time of incarceration. Again, it is an investment in ourselves. With the tools of education, I am better able to understand how to build the frameworks of a sound mind in order to make better decisions, because a man is the sum product of his thoughts. What he thinks he becomes.

Lastly, I want to let you all know that from the bottom of my heart that I am truly sorry for the error of my ways which have resulted in creating the various hardships on society. With saying this to you, I hope to feel more authentic and complete in my journey for personal growth, more meaningful life, in order to affect the lives of others. And through your dedicated service, you’ve shown forgiveness as well and it is somewhere said that “the weak cannot forgive, for forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” How suiting then, how well off are we all the more for having you, or volunteers and mentors. The true heroes of our day!

Anthony Walker #106881


After reading this to them, slowly, I then went to the Offender Locator Index. We looked up Anthony. I used to use this in the beginning to see who I was with while inside. I have long stopped doing so.

 The boys and I learned that Anthony was incarcerated for stealing or recieving stolen auto parts, armed robbery, and voluntary manslaughter. We talked about what voluntary manslaughter means.

They sat with that for a minute. I asked them that if I had simply read his charges, what would they think of Anthony? Their words were colorful. I asked them if they thought Anthony was working on himself and trying to be a better person. They said they did.

I brought it around to Larry Nassar. He's obviously not there yet, and maybe he never will be. But we all agreed that while prison is where he should be, he could possibly come to understand what he's done to hundreds of girls and women, that he might grasp the pain he has caused. We agreed that he had the right to representation, protective custody, and hopefully a volunteer or a mentor like myself and those that do similar work that can be an example to Nassar. Firm when necessary, kind when needed.

What he did is horrible. His survivors have a right not to forgive him. Larry Nassar is where he belongs. I hope that all those women find peace, strength in their numbers, empowerment and healing peace.

I hope that Larry Nassar finds his way, whatever that is.

And lastly, I hope that when they are old enough to have phones my kids are smart enough to swipe right.