Newbie

I don't think anything prepares a person to walk into a prison, even if you aren't there as an inmate. Furthermore, I cannot imagine going in as an inmate after experiencing the process that a visitor goes through in going in. You go through metal detectors, have your bags searched. Really, you can't bring in a regular purse with all your normal stuff. If you have a bag it should just have your personal lunch (if you are staying that long) and maybe a notebook and a pen if you need it. You get a pat down, remove your shoes, have the bottoms of your feet checked. You cannot bring your wallet or your cell phone. You wear a visitors pass, but you also have to have your hand stamped with glow in the dark ink, to ensure that you are supposed to be wearing that visitors pass.

I've already had a nightmare that I left a pen behind. It doesn't seem like a big deal and I wouldn't even have thought of it before I signed papers, along with other papers for a background check. However, if I went and left a pen behind or gave a pen to an inmate to borrow and didn’t get it back, and it was used by an inmate as a weapon, it could be considered trafficking of a deadly weapon with is a Class D felony which could get me my own two years in prison and possibly a $10,000 fine.

Now, I only bring my own pen.

Where I volunteer, it is what looks like a medium-security facility. Unlike television shows that take place in prisons, even the reality prison shows, this is a facility that consists of various buildings and prisoners have the ability to walk from their dorms to the cafeteria, Chapel and other buildings (as long as they are 'called out' to do so and the C.O.'s know where they are supposed to be). So, when I get through Visitor Processing and walk through the two sets of barbed wire covered security gates, I'm in the facility walking around amongst the inmates.

Why I did not consider what this would be like before going there that first day, I don't know. In my mind, I was just in the Chapel with both the Wiccan and Asatru groups. The getting to the Chapel and leaving the Chapel are my least favorite parts of the day. I guess it was because my focus was on working with the Pagan prisoners and not realizing that I would also be grazing by many of the other prisoners as well. I've described it as being naked, painted neon pink and walking through Times Square. Even in Times Square that would call some attention.

A part of me understands why they stare and react the way they do, and as long as a decent amount of distance is kept, I can ignore it. That said, I've experienced ruder behavior in clubs and on the street in Manhattan too. I guess it is just a lot more intimidating in such a situation.

Thankfully, the men in both the groups have been very respectful and appreciative of the volunteers. I go with two other women; however one will be leaving as she is relocating to Wisconsin. And while, come Beltaine, I will be opening a ministry in a women’s prison, there will be times that I will still help out at the men’s facility.

The Wiccan group meets in the morning. It's a small group, although men may show up for stretches of time and then not come at other times. Sometimes this is because of work schedules, but other times it's because of behavior issues that put them into solitary confinement, or what they call 'the tank.' My first meeting with them happened to be their Imbolc Ritual. Two of the inmates, I’ll call them Martin* and Damon* had gotten into an argument before we got there and Martin had left, taking the ritual with him. I’ve come to learn that Martin is the leader of their group, but he is also leaving in March. Damon will be taking over, and wants to do things his way now. This is causing conflict.  
One of the women volunteers, Cathy* discussed with him how when we train with someone, in anything, we often need to do things in the way of the teacher. Then, when we venture out on our own, we can start to adapt our practices. I don’t think this information penetrated very deeply.
When it came time for ritual, Damon didn’t know the first thing to do. This tells me that not only might he not be capable of running that group, but his training may not have prepared him to even do it in the first place. He seems to know the idea of what Imbloc is, but ritual from the seat of their pants isn’t anything any of them have abilities for. I wondered if Damon saw the connection in all of that.

The Asatru group meets in the afternoon. This first time I saw them, the intimidation was strong. I was filing out some paperwork in the back of the Chapel and the group had gathered up on the stage. Since it was their Disting ritual, or blessing of the plow, there were a lot of guys there. Looking at them from a distance I thought, ‘This is like TV.’ There were some seriously big guys there, covered with tattoos. And I mean, covered. Sleeves, hands, knuckles, heads, faces, covered. Some of the tattoos I spotted when more close up were quite questionable too, but I’ll get to that.  
I sat down in their circle and started to listen to them talk to the new guys in the group. It was then that my worries about where I had found myself started to subside. Many of these guys know ‘their Faith, their Folk and their Troth’ (and I was really glad for the years that I spent studying Asatru and the Norse pantheon with a Kindred that Scott ad I belonged to back in NY). They seem to really love their deities and want to live their spirituality. I hear talk about how often they have stopped fights, racial fights, in their dorms, shown hospitality to new inmates (I do wonder though if this is just to white inmates?), and talk of the Nine Nobel Virtues. The new members were told that the group was no place for any gang activity, racial issues, or any other kinds of issues from outside the Chapel. They were told if that was the reason they were there, that they could and should leave. They asked for not only the respect for those in the group, including the people who’d come before them, but for the three of us volunteers.
One man said, ‘Because who really wants to come to jail? But Tamrha and Cathy and Ray* do that, for us.”
One thing I should mention – The Asatru’s are not permitted to meet unless a volunteer is there with them. The Wiccan group, and every other religious group however, is allowed to meet regardless of a volunteer or not. This is because the prison system considers Asatru groups ‘STGs’, or Security Threat Groups. They consider Asatru a playing ground for the Aryan Nation, other gang activity and a threat to prison security. The group itself does not condone any of that activity at their meetings and have never had any incidences of violence stemming from their spiritual path or their meetings, however at this point in time they are only permitted to meet every other Friday when volunteers are there.
Do some of these guys look intimidating? Yes. However, I think it’s an important thing for anyone, be they individual or institutional to get to know these people beyond what they look like or the ink that is tattooed into their skin. I mentioned above that there were some questionable tattoos on some of these inmates. By that I mean tattoos that read ‘White Power’ or portraits of Hitler. This was very confusing to me, however a there was a conversation had that first day that made me understand this more.
Do some of them have political views I would disagree with or even abhor? Probably. However, the leader of this group, Terry*, a man who knows his faith and his path started talking to the newer guys in the group about not being caught with sun wheel tattoo stencils which are interpreted as Nazi Swastikas. He said, “When I got here, I had a 30 year sentence [he’s served 11 and will be released within a few months]. I thought, ‘Fuck you all’ and I got all these tattoos [he was referring to the questionable ones]. Now, I’m a high school graduate, I’ve earned two college degrees and I’m about to get released. And I have these tattoos.”
I don’t know what it’s like to really be in prison. I don’t know what it’s like to have to survive in such a chaotic place with people who have many issues, who have anger problems, emotional problems, who are violent, and substance abusers. I do not know how easy it would be to ‘walk my path’ is such an environment. I do not know what I would choose to do in such a situation, but I think I understand why there is some of the ink on these guys that I’m seeing.
At the end of both groups, I saw and felt how appreciated our presence was. It made me know, beyond a doubt, that there’s a reason I’m there and doing this. It might be different than I originally thought, but at this point even that doesn’t shock me! Hekate has a plan.
I was a bit surprised that each inmate came up to say thank you and reach out for a hug. I at first thought, ‘Are they allowed to hug me?’ but it seemed that this was OK and the hugs were completely appropriate. It was after the fourth or fifth hug that I started to see how much those hugs meant in the eyes of many of the inmates.
By the end of the day, I was literally exhausted. I didn’t physically do much, but being in those two groups and within the prison itself where the energy is very, very different from anything that I’ve experienced before, just wiped me out.

Next time I’ll talk about some of the issues I’m starting to see within each group, as well as an issue with the prison itself and the topic of the Asatrus being a Security Threat Group.